i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
