The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all done wearing pants today
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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