Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
