What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
