FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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