I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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