Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
