In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
