Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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