I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
