You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
