Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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