my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
