if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
