my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
