Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
