:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
