I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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