my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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