matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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