I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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