a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
