I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
