I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
