the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
