mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I'm really busy with my period
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