you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
