How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
