wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize