The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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