Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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