You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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