I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
