Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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