Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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