At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pee on everything he values.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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