You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
