Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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