apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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