i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
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She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
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And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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