Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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