I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
