He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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