and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
sex in a hospital.. check
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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