Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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