and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
