My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
