I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
