the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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