im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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