i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
