toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
