He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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