the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
