I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
