Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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