I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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