If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
