Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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