My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wish you could order shots online.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
