genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
