All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
